You can’t get better than an evening eating out at your favourite restaurant with friends or that special someone (come on, I write a food blog, of course that’s my favourite kind of night out). And we all remember that perfect night out where the food was amazing, the service was impecable and you arrive home full to the brim with both food and good memories.
OK, lets be honest, its not always like that and so here is my list of things that lovers of food and eating out will understand, and all you new foodies out there can learn from ready for your next dinner reservation.
1. You always check the menu online a few days before you visit to shortlist your choices. This is serious business, you can’t be expected to make such an important decision on the spot.
2. You dress appropriately for the restaurant. I don’t mean level of smartness, I mean stretchiness of pants.
3. You check out the dessert menu first (you have to make sure you leave enough room for that chocolate lava cake).
4. They have nothing on the dessert menu with the word chocolate in it. Leave immediately.
5. You order a bottle of wine and the waitress pours a bit in your glass for you to try. So you act like you know what you are doing by swirling it around the glass, taking a deep sniff before taking a sip, holding it in you mouth for longer than neccessary before swallowing and then all you can think of to say is, “yes that’s fine” (even if it’s crap).
6. You know you’re in a nice place when they have real napkins and tablecloths.
7. When you are starving but your friends are so busy talking that they haven’t had chance to look at the menu yet and silently cursing them in your head.
8. Checking what everyone else is ordering before you make a decision to check you won’t get food envy.
9. Your friend ordering your second choice dish and you get anxious you’ll get food envy, and secretly hoping that it’s rubbish.
10. You get food envy.
11. Convincing your partner to order your second choice just in case you’ve made the wrong decision and then proceed to moan so much that they swap with you just so you will shut up (it really is a wonder why my boyfriend ever takes me out for dinner).
12. Someone you are with orders a steak well done. Why are you friends?
13. Waying up the class level of the restaurant after ordering pizza to decide whether you can get away with eating with your fingers or you should use a knife and fork.
14. After five minutes of trying to cut your pizza crust with the rubbish knife, you give up and eat with your hands anyway. Who cares, it’s pizza.
15. Not being able to use chopsticks but being too stubborn/ embarassed to ask for a fork, but you’re still starving half an hour after you’ve been served your food as you can’t get any of it from your plate to your mouth.
16. They have just run out of the dessert you have been waiting the whole meal for and you can’t help but wonder why bad things happen to good people, but make a mental note to order it as a starter next time just to be safe.
17. When they bring you both a dessert spoon and fork and not really knowing how to use them correctly together (or is that just me?).
18. Ordering coffee at the end of the meal seems the thing to do even though you would never in gods name consider having an espresso at ten o’clock at night at home.